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I'm Keanu Reeves and I'm a crooked cop. I don't do things by the book, man. And, as a change of pace, I'm also dark and brooding, and take my angst out on the scum of the city, using my own unique brand of justice. |
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I'm Keanu's boss, and I'm also a crooked cop, which works out great because I can enable him to continue his special brand of justice without repercussions. And HOLY SHIT LOOK AT MY LAZY EYE!!! I MEAN FUCK, HOW COME NOBODY EVER NOTICES IT??? IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD!!! |
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Shit, our whole unit is composed of crooked cops. |
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Let's kick some lower socioeconomic ass. Oh yeah, you know what I mean. Asians and black people. |
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You sir are a racist. As the one non-crooked cop in the police force, I'm on a mission to clean up the corruption and- |
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CAPPED! |
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Nooo! That coloured man was my friend. Even though we hated each other and I fantasised about killing him. Now the evidence points to me as his killer, when actually I know it was a bunch of violent black people. Fuck black people. |
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Hi, I'm Dr House. I know that you killed that coloured man and that your whole unit is corrupt, and I'm going to prove it. But first, here is a bunch of razor-sharp, cutting one-liners, because I'm Dr House. |
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Okay Keanu, I've covered up all the evidence that connects you to the murder, because I'm a crooked cop. |
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Hey, help me track down the guys who really did this, and cap them. |
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No!!! I mean... Oh, all right. |
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I'm watching you, Reeves. I know you're planning on capping some motherfuckers in an illegal manner. I will expose you, because I'm the only guy in this movie who does things by the book and that makes me the bad guy. It's never lupus! |
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Cedric the Entertainer! Help me locate the guys who capped my homie. |
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Ok dog. |
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Oh shit, Keanu! The guys who are behind this are crooked cops! |
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Correct! As it turns out, the cops in your unit are even crookeder than you are. And now we are going to cap you, because you know too much. |
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Not if I cap you first! |
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(he caps them) |
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I'm the crookedest cop of all! I'm the mastermind of this clusterfuck of crookedness. But you don't have to cap me because I wish to offer you a cut of all the billions of dollars I have illegaly extorted. LOOK INTO MY LAZY EYE. |
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I'm totally crooked. But I'm not that crooked. I think I'm just going to go ahead and cap you. |
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(he does so) |
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I have seen the error of my ways, and have decided to become a crooked cop. I will help you cover up the evidence of having capped your entire unit in a frenzy of illegal vigilante justice. |
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The system works!! Sort of!! |
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