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Yo! I'm the last human being alive on Earth! Everybody else in the world has been turned into ridiculous-looking CGI zombies. It turns out that scientists didn't pay enough attention to the alarmism surrounding genetic science. Had they watched enough movies, they would have realised that the result of genetic engineering is always zombies. |
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Yo! I'm the last dog alive on Earth! Also, I'm Will Smith's only source of companionship, which makes it painfully obvious that I'm going to die pretty soon. Damn it. |
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By astounding coincidence, the only human out of six billion who is both immune to the zombie virus and hardcore enough to survive the zombie hoardes is also the world's foremost molecular biologist, the only man who can find a cure to the zombie disease, which I am working on in the high-tech lab in my basement. |
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Hey, here's a question: How is it that all your lights and appliances are still working, when there are no humans alive to work the power plants? |
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Why don't you shut the fuck up. You're a dog. |
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Raargh! |
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Holy shit! The zombies, formerly believed to be mindless, shambling animals, just used a clever, complicated trap to capture me and kill my dog! Despite this astounding revelation that completely changes this entire situation, I'm never going to mention it again. Instead I'm just going to brood a lot. |
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Now I'm going to try to fuck a mannequin. |
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Heeey! Turns out you're not the last human after all! You've been wandering Manhattan for three years but you've never seen me before now! Come with me to find more people. |
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Okay, I'm just going to totally emo out right now and insist that there is nobody left alive. Despite the fact that I now know you also survived, I really promise you that we are the only survivors. Oh, and also your son. |
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Oh no, I'm quite sure about this. Sure enough to risk all of our lives. |
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How can you possibly know that? |
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(shrug) |
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Well, all right. |
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Yaaargh! |
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Oh shit! The superintelligent zombies who have been living in my neighbourhood for three years have finally noticed that there is one house in New York that has all the lights on every night! And they're getting in because, despite my high-tech defenses, I left a fucking window open! |
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Luckily, I have just this moment discovered the cure for zombies! Now I will sacrifice myself sort of needlessly. |
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Don't worry! I promise I will bring the cure for zombies to the world! And then... you will be... legend! |
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God damn it!! They're fucking vampires, you idiot!! |
