A lot of people are under the great misconception that you need some kind of employment to get ahead in life, and to those people I always say one thing:

Sure! You can toil night and day for "The Man" for no reason but to keep the gears of some insidious machine turning while you drift further and further away from your loved ones, clinging desperately to the misguided hope that one day you will finally achieve the dreams that you once held in your youthful ignorance, when in reality you're spiralling deeper into a state of animated death wherein you exist only to keep food on your plate and support that stupid bitch you met at a speed-dating night because you don't have time to meet women and you merely had to "settle" because your greatest fear in life is to be alone, but ironically you realise in the heat of every fickle argument that you are in reality lonelier now than you ever have been, and this is likely to be the story of your entire life right up until the point that alcoholism and a poor lifestyle driven by nonexistent esteem finally catch up with you and manifest as a crippling heart attack made all the more powerful by the fact that you haven't actually felt anything in longer than you can remember and now that you finally realise you actually can feel pain after all it fucking kills you. I'm fine with that! Really! If you are.

However, some people prefer the sense of freedom that can only come from being unemployed, or as I like to call it, alternatively self-sufficient. Humanity lived for many thousands of years without the concept of money, and sure, they didn't have iPods, but they had a little something I like to call dignity. And just like those noble savages, you will quickly learn that you can live a full and prosperous life without ever having to say anything or do anything.

In this episode of Cooking for the Unemployable, our gourmet-chef-on-welfare Shamus shows you how to turn the rusty coins you found underneath the couch into a fantastic meal that's every bit as good as anything that smarmy British chap with the speech impedement on TV can cook up.